fraternity guy's guide to giving gifts to girls
By Dave Connell
December 15, 2006 | So there is nothing that messes
up a good thing with a girl like Christmas, you inevitably
get her the wrong present for whatever stage your relationship
is in. College is especially difficult with all the
serial monogamy that is going on.
Well guess what guys? You've got a friend in the know.
Don't think I've haven't learned anything in my five
years at school? First and foremost, fellas, you don't
get the girl you've been "hanging out with" for a month
a Burberry bag, unless you've got more money than brains.
Your gifts should reflect the level of emotional attachment,
or lack thereof, to this person.
To a girl you've been seeing for a couple weeks you
have to get her something that shows her that if she
sticks around, there might be good things coming her
way. You don't want to come on too strong, otherwise
you'll look like a gump. Some good ideas: Try getting
her flowers, and take her to dinner and a movie. I'm
not sure why chicks love that kind of stuff but they
do, it's inexplicable. Or, you could get her a gift
certificate to somewhere she shops for clothes. This
is very lazy and wrong, but some guys are just lazy
and wrong. If you are not an astute observer of clothing,
get her a certificate to Borders or any good bookstore.
If she doesn't seem like a reader (if you know what
I mean) then get her a membership to Mulligans. Upside:
You can get in to the club on her membership for a whole
year, you clever devil.
If your relationship has progressed to the point where
you've admitted it to your friends, you're in deep my
friend, but you should buy her something nice. Get her
something for her apartment. ANYTHING BUT A TOASTER.
I gave this girl a toaster once; it was the beginning
of the end. Our relationship was never the same. All
soured by hearing her say, "I need a toaster." Then
getting her one. I'll never understand women.
You should get her a nice DVD player or even an XBOX.
This will pay dividends in the long run, because the
next time you are waiting for her to get ready to go
out, you can waste time by playing Tony Hawk. Well done
sir! You could always get her a bottle of perfume she
likes to wear, but this involves snooping through her
drawers to find the name, and if caught, you will certainly
have some explaining to do.
While I may not be a fan of long-long term relationships,
some people are. I usually don't see my friends who
are in these so-called "committed relationships," unless
it is horribly dysfunctional. I suppose that if I was
in a committed, long term relationship. I would pony
up the cash to get her something cool. So, if you are
in one of these you probably need to get her jewelry,
dude. At the very least some designer stuff, I hear
Chanel is popular.
A good friend of mine, Adelena Shelton, says guys
who are in long term relationships should, "Get her
a Burberry Bag, or a dog! Please can we get a dog? Dave,
I seriously want a dog! Miniature dachshunds are so
cute!" Pets aren't generally a good idea, but if you
let her know beforehand, the declared ownership of the
dog and tell her upfront, "No, it cannot stay at my
house all the time." A dog is a big commitment and could
lead to an ugly dog-custody battle. In these circumstances
it never hurts to visit an attorney and have him draft
a dog pre-nup. Always a good idea to cover your bases.
If you get your girl some jewelry, make sure that
it's legit. When the inevitable break-up comes you have
to know that she'll get it appraised. If you get her
a fake rock, or just crap jewelry altogether she'll
be perfectly fine with her decision to dump your un-ambitious
bones. If she finds out you actually spent some serious
scratch, she'll look back on your time together with
fond memories. It's nice to be remembered well, I'm
told. She might even tell her new boyfriend he is worthless
because he never buys her jewelry. I bet that is a nice
Whatever you decide to get your old lady, there are
some things that you should under no circumstances get
women. Don't get her gift certificates to a Spa. Don't
get her candles. Don't get her chocolates; she'll already
be having anxiety from the fourth-helping-of-turkey
holiday weight. Don't get her clothes. (You'll mess
this up, I promise.)
The thing that is most important in gift giving, especially
when it comes to women, is that it's not really about
money, it's really about thought. It's only kind of
about money. What it's really about is: How much you
thought about spending a lot of money on her.