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Today's word on journalism

Monday, January 29, 2007

Words as weapons:

"When he had a pen in his hand it was like giving a kid a machine gun."

--Peter Hall, theater director, on "Angry Young Man" playwright John Osborne (1929-1994)

I'm finally graduating! Now that I know what I'm talking about, allow me to share my lessons

By Jenn Pulham

December 15, 2006 | This weekend I will stand in a long line of black robes waiting to be handed a piece of paper. A piece of paper that symbolizes what I've worked for the past four years. Sitting at the computer this morning I realized that most of the lessons I've learned in those years have come outside the classroom. As a soon-to-be graduate I would say I've gained some experience. Pretty much, I know what I'm talking about.

Lesson one: Nobody cares what you wear. When I was a freshman I used to care what people thought about the way I looked. I would do my hair in ways certain to catch people's attention. Also, I wore some of the stupidest outfits I've ever worn, the only exception being, well, Halloween costumes. How sad. To all the freshmen who have this problem, stop it. You just look dumb. Now it's become common for me to go to school wearing what I woke up in 10 minutes before. I get to sleep longer.

Lesson two: Those of you with weak bladders, NEVER sit on someone else's bed when something funny is happening. Sorry about that, Clint. I don't really need to give a further explanation on that one, do I? It's kind of common sense. Just don't do it.

Lesson three: This is Logan in December. It's freaking freezing outside so all those of you who think it's still a good idea to wear shorts and tank tops, you can just stop. I promise you'll like yourself more if you're just warm. Oh, and by the way, it gets worse. Wait until February.

Lesson four: Good luck getting through college without having at least one bad roommate. At this point, I've had four. In fact, I live with one of them now. Bad roommates come in many different varieties. The kinds I've had so far include one who couldn't keep her hands off everyone else's food, one home-schooled freshman freak, and two self-centered drama queens. I'd like to tell you I have an answer for this, but I'm afraid it's a live and learn thing. Try and find those that you get along with really well, and stick with them. That way you can avoid living with the ones who keep a bag of spaghetti under their bed... opened... when you live in an old house. Yes, we did get mice.

Lesson five: Always separate your dirty laundry from your clean laundry. It's easier that way, I promise. Listen to this and you'll understand why. I used to go running at the Fieldhouse every day. Well, I usually wore the same exercise pants every day, meaning I'd have to pull them out of the dirty laundry most of the time to reuse. One day I was walking home after my run and saw someone's underwear just sitting on the sidewalk. Sick, I thought, who would leave their underwear just sitting on the sidewalk? Later when I was walking up to class I had an epiphany. Yep, you guessed it, they were mine. They had fallen out of the pant leg of my exercise pants. As it turns out, some of my friends had seen the undies as well. That's just embarrassing. Trust me and keep your dirty laundry where it's supposed to go.

The lessons go on and on and unfortunately, you're bound to learn at least a few of them the hard way, maybe ones I haven't even mentioned. The best advice I can give you is this: if you can, just go through college with your eyes closed the whole time, you'll miss out on a lot of the good stuff that way, but you'll also miss out on the bad stuff. Do you really want to see all that crap, anyway? I didn't think so.


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