Sleep? Oh, the great stuff we
could do if we didn't snooze
December 7, 2008 | Sleep is the biggest waste of time.
I mean, people always complain because there are only
24 hours in a day, but when you think about it, there
aren't even that. It's more like a piffly little 16
or 18 hours when you factor in that senseless laying-down
For instance, it's 2:30 a.m. as I'm writing this.
This means that I am doing homework instead of dreaming
of, oh, I don't know, ice cream castles or something
else completely useless and nonsensical. Score one for
productivity! After this I'll probably do the dishes
and then maybe vacuum. You know. It needs to be done
anyway. And 3 a.m. is as good a time as any, right?
There are so many benefits of not sleeping. I wonder
why someone hasn't tried it before, long-term, I mean.
The current Guinness World Record holder (according
to the all-knowing Wikipedia) for longest period of
time for a human being staying awake without stimulants
of any kind is Randy Gardner who, in 1964 at the age
of 17, stayed awake for 264 hours, or 11 days even.
Wuss. However, people with chronic insomnia can stay
awake for years. I'll bet they get a lot done.
Seriously, though, think about itif we didn't have
to sleep, we wouldn't need beds. That is a lot of space
freed up right there. I don't know about anyone else,
but in my cramped apartment that would be nice. Actually,
if we didn't need to sleep, would we really need an
apartment, period? Everything would be open 24 hours
a day so studying could be done entirely at the library
and food could be obtained at restaurants.
Ooh, speaking of that I could sure go for a Beto's
right about now. Why is it that random food sounds so
good so very late at night? Once I stayed up talking
about religion and philosophy with some friends until
we got the most intense craving for crepes. What C.S.
Lewis has to do with strawberries and whipped cream
I will never know. Unfortunately, Village Inn had closed
already, so we had to settle for those giant muffins
from Macey's, a substitution that wouldn't have happened
if no one felt the need to sleep.
Granted, there would be a significant drop in the
amount of ballads written and sung by whiny teenage
boys, because if you don't sleep it's pretty hard to
dream about someone with eyes so blue and how your love
for them is true, so there's another benefit. Also,
if you stay up long enough not only does everything
mysteriously seem funnier but lyrics to Beatles songs
finally make sense! So THAT'S what they meant...
I suppose there are a few downsides. The biggest one
I can think of is that Bed, Bath and Beyond would have
to drop the first bit and "Bath and Beyond" is kind
of a lame name for a store, so that would take some
rethinking. Also, would cold cereal and pancakes still
taste good at 7 a.m. when you had a cheesy chicken and
pepper burrito grande at 4 a.m.? Plus, that delicious
feeling of sleeping in or waking up without the alarm
would be nonexistent.
Hmm. Maybe this isn't such a good plan. I guess I'll
sleep on it.