Love for sale: Half off, today only

Editor's note: All of the stories in here are presented as fact. Names of the participants involved have been changed to protect their future children's emotional well-being.

By Jacob Fullmer

February 14, 2008 | Last time you were using the student listing boards to find a new apartment, book or computer, weren't you just a little curious about the wedding paraphernalia?

I mean, seriously, who dumped whom? How long did it take them to figure out the whole "us" thing was a bad idea? Most importantly, how did they find the courage to put their name up on that board?

If my relationship fell through one week before the big day, I would melt down the band, shape the remaining liquid metal into a dart and continually practice my dart skills on my useless wedding announcements.

But I'm a weak man.

So Happy Valentines Day to everyone with a special somebody. Because not everyone else is having great holiday.

Realistically, there are only a handful of people our age able to enjoy February 14. Meanwhile, the rest of us are forced to dodge couples seemingly electrically connected throughout all of campus. At least with all the money spent on frivolous gifts, maybe the economy will pick up. I sure hope all those chocolates are American made.

I'm not bitter. No, no -- you misunderstand. I've just seen what can happen in "the name of love." I also find it unrealistic to discriminate against the ever-decreasing group of "Young Single Mormons" in the area.

In light of Singles Awareness Day, I took my usual curiosity one large step further and attempted to contact each of the individuals selling "lightly used" wedding gear on the posting boards in the Taggart Student Center.

Some of them didn't call me back. I guess it was a little weird for a guy to be calling about a wedding dress. Nevertheless. . . .

Here are their stories.

* * *

Of all the people I spoke with, there is only one white dress on the board that fulfilled its role in bringing joy into this world. Against your worst assumptions, this dressed propelled one bride into happiness. The couple has recently moved to Albuquerque for medical school. Her mom, who is willing to sell you the dress, said her daughter always planned on selling it after the main event.

She even tried to sell the dress to me: "It's got good karma in it." It worked once. Maybe it could work again. I love how everyone IN love seems to believe the rest of us should try it, too.

* * *

The most expensive ring up for sale is from a couple who gave birth to their baby girl just yesterday morning. They don't have insurance and the rising cost of health care is forcing them to look in unique places to procure money for their new baby.

"It's a dog-eat-dog world," the brother-in-law told me.

Don't worry though, the ring truly is expendable. It comes from her first marriage. Her first husband may never know how much support he's giving to the child she loves.

* * *

Of all the listings, the most intriguing story is about the ring with a large gaping hole where the diamond is missing. We'll call the seller Jeff. No, how about Geoff -- just to make him sound more ambiguous.

Geoff doesn't live in Logan and never went to Utah State University. But someone told him the ring would have a better chance of getting sold if it was advertised to college students.

Enter, engagement No. 1.

Geoff goes all out for the women he plans to marry. Reaching new heights is just part of the bargain when seeing him. He planned on proposing over a romantic hot-air balloon ride. But, and I promise I'm not making this up, as an ominous warning, it rained the very day he planned to pop the question.

At first, Geoff couldn't recall exactly how he ended up successfully proposing but as we continued to talk, he gathered some details together about a waitress bringing out their desert along with the coveted, covenant band. She cried and said yes. So why didn't it work out? I like to think it was a practice run for Geoff - and for all men, in general.

"It's hard to explain," he said. "It's not like we got in a fight. It's just cuz everyone in her family was against it."

Geoff was a little older and, although he was well employed, had never completed college.

"They didn't want that for their daughter," he said. "She didn't know what to do [but] she wanted to stay with me."

Eventually, they broke up.

It took Geoff two years, "at least 70 dates" and "a lot of money spent," before meeting his current wife. He asked her for her number but, couldn't spend much time getting to know her because he needed to be to work early in the morning.

When he woke up the following day, he thought he had dreamed the whole thing. Looking around, he found the piece of paper with her number written on it and said his "heart started pounding." It had really happened. When they decided to get married, Geoff's bride kept the diamond from the old ring but ditched the band.

Geoff said fiancé number two grew a little impatient waiting three months for her band to be crafted.

"My wife thought I had the ring [earlier than I did] and wanted me to propose," he said.

This time, Geoff didn't plan an outdoor activity that would be vulnerable to weather. Just a variety of simple, meaningful gifts and one-dozen roses by the side of the Bountiful, Utah, Temple.

I say, good form Geoff. Don't allow fate any chance to sidetrack this engagement.

Of today's stories, I believe Geoff is a good example of how to carefully select a spouse. Two engagements help him to understand the wide range of emotions most of us feel during dating.

"You never know what it could be," he admits. "Whether because it's she's good looking or if she's the one. It's hard to decipher the difference between what's good and what you want."

* * *

Some of the listings on the student boards will come and go, but the most illustrating story of love gone wrong I recently heard came to me completely by chance. My new friend, Jim, told me a story that can make any of us glad we don't have a "sweet-heart" to woo this Feb. 14. Even though he try to resell his "cursed ring," as he calls it, his story is indicative of many potential engagements on campus and deserves telling.

Jim, like many young Mormons, knew Tabitha before he served a church mission. Tabitha, by the way, stands for "taboo" in this story. Tabby and Jim never dated before his mission but when Jim returned, the couple soon began seeing one another. They liked each other. Maybe Jim liked her a little more than she liked him.

Early on, he was comfortable saying "I love you" when she could only ever muster, "I really care about you."

"She was really nervous about dating me because she was worried it would lead to something," Jim said to me. "I was like, 'DUH!'" But, as does happen in our faithful community, these two love birds pressed forward toward marriage -- even if one lagged behind.

Seven months into the relationship, Jim proposed for the first time. "It was great," he told me with an almost imperceptible level of sarcasm. "We drove home in dead silence and then she blurts out, 'I can't do this!'"

They continued to date and two months later, she was the one bringing up marriage. She was ready. And then, one week before the wedding: She wasn't. Just as fast as it took read this.

Over 500 invitations had long been sent out. Some had even been sent to worldwide leaders of the LDS Church. Despite all of the social ramifications, Jim's reasoning is sound and heart breaking all at the same time.

"I couldn't be kneeling across the altar from her and wonder if she was really into it," he said.

I failed to mention earlier: Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, until recently of the LDS Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, was scheduled to stand at the head of that altar and perform the marriage.

No pressure.

Jim broke it off immediately after she said she wasn't ready, the second time. He said he was scared at his calm reaction -- like a serial killer waiting to snap.

"[I'm surprised] I'm not turning into snot all over the road," he remembered. "I thought I was going to internally combust. I was thinking it would be so easy to just grab a knife and impale myself with it. But I didn't."

The only good thing about breaking up with Tabby is that there was no embarrassing resale of the ring: She had inherited it from her great grandmother.

Jim said even if he had bought a ring, he wouldn't put it up for sale on the boards. To him, it would be a public declaration that it didn't work out. As is, he had to endure "a day's worth of calls" from sympathizing family members. Oh, and Tabby, cried for him to take her back. He, uh, said "NO."

* * *

So, there you have it. Four stories to make your heart say, "Aaaaaaaaaaaa-g-h!"

MS
MS