The secret -- it pays to fly United, and here's how

By Jen Beasley

October 29, 2007 | It's true you get what you pay for. That's why I always fly United Airlines. They have consistently bungled service, and I don't have to pay for it.

For a college student on a restrictive--if not suffocating--budget, leisure travel generally falls into the realm of the someday. But it doesn't have to. If you're lucky, all it takes is one low-fare ticket to Denver to get you on an endless cycle of free flights on United, courtesy of a bad management system that must have been put in place by the beneficent gods of youth travel.

Here's the secret: United overbooks more dates than a whore on a military base, which means they regularly have to bump passengers out of their rightfully purchased (if cramped and shabby) seats on the plane. United is betting that some poor sap misses the flight, and they can replace him with another sap they overbooked, thereby saving money by not flying half-empty planes around the country. But as often as not, poor sap No. 1 makes the flight, and the airline has to scramble.

That's when the magic words come garbled over the airport PA: "Attention passengers of Flight XYZ to Wherever, we are in an overbooked situation and are looking for volunteers to give up their seat until the next available flight. We are offering a free, transferable, round-trip ticket to anywhere in the continental U.S. to anyone willing to do this."

When I'm in the airport, this announcement is generally lost in the shrieking of old women as I push them aside in my dash to the service counter. But assuming I'm not there, everybody has an equal shot at getting on the free trip carousel. And it's definitely worth doing.

The beauty of the bump system is that United does it so often, once you have a free ticket voucher in hand, chances are you can take another bump when you use it, simply repeating the process for the rest of your life and never paying for an airline ticket again.

Generally, if one plans an open schedule, the inconvenience is mild. The lucky bumped passenger may have to spend an additional few hours listening to the blare of CNN and Midwestern accents in an uncomfortable chair, or may have to pay ridiculous airport food prices for lunch, but the investment always amounts to a steal when compared to the hours at work it otherwise would take to afford to book and actually pay for a flight to Miami. Or New York. Or anywhere in the continental United States you fancy.

A free ticket is worth a long sit in my book.

Meanwhile, United makes a most gracious and apologetic host, and will resort to putting passengers on competing airlines to get them to their destinations, or put them up in a hotel with dinner vouchers and a small toiletry kit with designer lotions and shampoos if the need arises for an overnight stay. It's like getting an extra vacation, plus a free ticket for a future one, on top of the original.

On one such overnight stay in a hotel in Denver last winter, the hotel night clerk said United had spent over $60,000 the previous week on accommodations for bumped passengers. Part of the reason for that figure is that Denver is a United hub and more traffic passes through, but the figure is still astonishing.

Once on the flight, United is about on par with most airlines these days, which is to say there's no longer any need to get dressed up for jet setting. Legroom is basically theoretical unless you pay extra. On short flights a bag of Snyder's of Hanover pretzels containing about seven twists is offered, which will not satiate hunger but will salt your throat enough to make the half-can of soda you're offered insufficient. On longer flights an assortment of snack meals are offered for $5, and they're generally tasty but won't be hot offerings. None of this is a problem with a little planning and a packed lunch.

For their part, flight attendants are generally friendly and efficient, and often apologetic for inconvenience resulting from bumps and the frequent delays caused by the Denver airport's clever location on a high wind plane.

In short, once on the plane service is adequate if paid for, and sensational if it's a free flight. If you play the bump system well, chances are it will be.

If you go:

-- Schedule your vacation flexibly so you can take a bump if it's offered.

-- Realize that even if it means missing a connection you can take a bump, because United will reroute you through to your final destination.

-- Try to have at least one layover to double your chances of getting bumped.

-- Fly during high traffic times, like Sunday nights and weekday mornings.

-- Take a book and snacks for the wait!

NW
MS