Opinion: Truth about 'Twilight' series -- vampire books are boring and bloodless

By Debra Hawkins

October 22, 2008 | It is hard not to get swept up in this vampire mania they call Twilight. With people arguing back and forth before the last book came out about which love interest would win out in the fourth book. The "Team Jacob" and "Team Edward" shirts were everywhere. People have become absorbed in this fantasy world and I am left asking why.

I began reading the Twilight series from the urging of my mother-in-law, and with the first book I was pleasantly surprised. In fact, I would put it up there on my list of books that if I had absolutely nothing better to do I might read it again. The story wasn't particularly well written but it was different, original. I had never read a vampire novel that was quite like it. I found the whole idea of vampires who refused to drink human blood and instead subsisted on animals quite fascinating. I loved that the main character, Bella, wasn't saved from a vampire bite at the last second, rather she was bitten and treated afterward, and I thought her insistence at becoming a vampire sounded exactly like something I would do. I finished the first book slightly satisfied. I hadn't completely wasted my time in indulging in my mother-in-law's fantasy world for a few hours.

Shortly after I finished my first escapade into Forks, Wash., I began to be pressured from all different people to begin my second. I started New Moon with less reluctance than I had started the first book, which was a mistake on my part. I should have stuck with my first slightly satisfied experience and left the world of Stefanie Myer to all of the housewives to pine and dream over.

The second book was so uninteresting that I started it more than four times, unable to push through the book until the last time when I was desperate to have something to talk about with all the stay-at-home moms that lived around me.

The main character in the book turns into a whiny, irresponsible brat when her vampire love, Edward, leaves her for supposedly noble purposes like keeping her safe. Bella promptly begins hanging out with a werewolf named Jacob, (I guess if she has a vampire for a boyfriend, why not throw in a werewolf best friend, just to make things seem interesting?) The whole first half of the book goes pretty much like this:

Bella: "I miss Edward, life is horrible without him."

Jacob: "Edward is bad for you because he is a vampire, not to mention that I am a freakin' werewolf."

OK, so not exactly like that. I threw in the "freakin' werewolf" part myself, but you get the point. Jacob and Bella take turns whining to each other about what they want until the beloved vampire Edward tries to kill himself in the end because he is afraid he has lost Bella forever when he is the one who left her in the first place.

I finished the second book feeling slightly guilty about wasting those hours of my life when I hated the book in the first place. I was then informed there was a third book. It must have been masochism that made me pick up the third book, because it certainly wasn't a brilliant streak of intelligence that made me turn those first few pages.

To my surprise, the third book stunk slightly less than the second. I only wanted to vomit every other page instead of the whole time, which is perhaps why I made it through. The battles were slightly interesting and even with Bella's persistent whining about wanting to become a vampire, I finished the book.

When the fourth book came out in August of this year, my pride from reading the first three books overcame me and I picked up the last installment. Maybe it was the promise of a great fight scene, which is never fulfilled, or my utter amazement at the complete lack of literary value in the fourth book that grossly held my attention long enough to complete the series, but I did it.

I finished the fourth book in utter shock. The main character received everything she ever hoped for and dreamt of and had to give nothing in return. That isn't great literature. That's a bored housewife's dream of escape.

After wasting many hours of my life on this pointless series, I have one small piece of pride left. As an avid reader who owns almost every book she has ever read, I am proud to say you won't find a single Stefanie Myer book in my reading library.

Now where is my copy of The Scarlet Letter? I need to regain my hope in American writers.

NW
MS