| Love
and marriage? I'm only 20, and even in Utah that's plenty
of time
By Whitney Hancock
Septemer 17, 2007 | Here are a few things that define
me. My faith, my family, my music. My style, my hair,
my friends. My writing, my dreams, my hopes. Notice
that my marital (or dating) status does not appear on
this list. It may have at one point -- I guarantee,
however, that that was probably a point in which I had
a boyfriend -- but it does not anymore.
I moved away from the place I grew up to go to high
school in St. George. Having since moved back, and now
attending Utah State University, I often run into people
from my past. It's really fun seeing people I used to
know, especially after so long. But inevitably, one
of the very first things to be asked as we catch up
is the dreaded inquiry, "Are you dating anyone?" Why
is this the thing that pops out of everyone's mouth
as the question of the day, second only to an enthusiastic,
"How are you?"
And do you know what happens to be equally annoying?
It is the fact that this question is indisputably asked
only by the female population that currently have men
in their lives. Seriously, let's think about this for
a moment. Why do they ask? It is undoubtedly so that
you will, in turn, ask them the same question, and then
they are given the golden opportunity to soliloquize
about their blissful love life.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy for happy people. I
just don't see the need to push that happiness upon
the public and accentuate others' lack of said happiness.
What is this state's obsession with finding love at
such a young age? This is a common question among native
citizens (typically single). It also is a matter of
much confusion and debate among those who move to Utah
from elsewhere in the country. We definitely get some
raised eyebrows over our typically young marital age.
And for good reason, in my opinion.
Now I haven't always thought this way. For most of
my life, I found this particular tendency of our culture
here perfectly normal. I have lived in Utah my entire
life, and the norm of marriage by age 20 surrounded
me growing up. My own parents were only 18 when they
wed. So it is only natural that I accepted this as my
social norm, what was expected of me, and what I could
legitimately expect of the male population around me.
I would be married or engaged by the time I was 20.
If not, I would certainly be with the person I knew
I would be spending the rest of my life with. Or I would
at leasthave met the guy!
Well guess what folks, 20 has come and nearly gone,
and as it turns out "No, I'm not dating anyone." But
-- and only after several bouts of denial and even insecurity
-- I have come to this conclusion: It just so happens
that this is perfectly normal.
Of course it is. It only takes about five seconds
of rational thought to conclude that you're not severely
unbalanced if you have not found marital bliss by age
20! It is through no fault of your own, or even that
of the opposite sex surrounding you. It is not necessary
to go about bashing the male population because enough
of them haven't noticed you yet, or because they haven't
fallen at your feet in love with you, begging on bended
knee for your hand. I can pretty much confidently guarantee
that it won't happen that way anyway, now or ever. So
why cause yourself that frustration?
Naturally one does beg the question of why. Why are
men not knocking down my door for a chance to be alone
with me? Why, with my supply of wit and charisma, do
I not get stopped on the street by dropped jaws and
obvious advances? I could pretend I have the answer.
I could say that all men are just blind to my excellence,
that perhaps the right one just hasn't come into my
life yet so why waste time on non-prospects in the meantime.
But I don't know. And you know what? It doesn't matter.
I truly don't believe that I am destined to spend life
alone. In the meantime, I just have to remind myself
that I am only 20 years old; I have plenty of time.
The possibilities are endless.
I have loved and been loved. I have lost and been
lost. And here I am, 48 days shy of 21, and I am alone.
But guess what? I am happy. I am content to let the
bigger things in life define me and not my status in
the dating department. Now I'm not saying that I am
sick of dating (though I kind of am) or that I don't
want to find Mr. Right. I'm just saying that it'll happen
when it does, and until it does, I'm just going to live
my life. It's like that song, "Lollipop," by recording
artist, Mika. There, he advises us, "Live your life
until love is found, because love is gonna get you down!"
So my question to you is, what's the rush?
NW
RB |
