Tell them the truth: Not everyone can be 'the winner'

By Debra Hawkins

September 16, 2008 | I am convinced there is a new epidemic traveling around America, I like to call it American Idol Syndrome.

I have nothing against the television show. In fact, my whole family adores the it. My problem is stemming from the fact that in the early episodes of each season many people come into the audition room proudly proclaiming their ability to sing and then when they finally stop talking about themselves and open their mouth in song, we are all shocked and appalled about what we are hearing.

These people often sound so horrible, we wonder how they got the guts to come on the show and make a fool of themselves in front of a nationwide audience. I think the obvious answer is that they have been lied to their entire lives.

I think it all starts in elementary school. We have all been there. The principal of the school decides to put on a relay race, only realizing after the race has been planned that the blue ribbon he bought for the winner might make the other children feel bad. What does he do? He goes out and buys a whole bag of green ribbons with the words "participant" on them. Green is almost blue, right?

Somewhere in the purchase of the green ribbons, the principal has failed to teach his students about real life, with the simple truth that everybody is good at something but nobody is good at everything.

He did make sure those students were well-versed in their colors. Even at 5 years old, they know that green isn't blue; our imaginary principal hasn't saved anybody's feelings one bit but he has taught them that it is OK to smooth over hurt feelings with half truths. After all, heaven forbid anybody work hard for what they want.

"Look Billy, you won a ribbon too. Yes, I know that Jane's is blue, but the green ones are only for the really special kids."

In the real world, there are no little green ribbons with the words "participant" stamped on them in gold letters for everybody at a job interview. Not everybody gets an A in the major's hardest class, and sometimes the relationship with your significant other just falls apart.

Children have been taught they are entitled to all of their dreams without having to work for any of them. If they just show up, they will somehow accomplish what they want. While that's partially true - showing up is necessary - the most important part is acting on it.

In the end, there will always be winners and there will always be those who failed. The difference is often in the level of commitment. Winners succeed because they put in the effort to succeed. They aren't satisfied with mediocrity. They know that nothing short of their best will satisfy themselves, regardless of how many green ribbons they are given.

Children need to learn the mantra of winners. They need to know that they aren't good at everything. I am not saying you should trample on the dreams of your children, but you don't have to outright lie to them.

I hate the fact that we live in a society that is drifting more and more to lies of courtesy. When I ask you if these pants make my thighs look big, shouldn't you tell me the truth so I don't walk around parading myself in pants that look like they were made to fit the thighs of an elephant?

We live in a society that is so worried about hurting anyone's feelings that we are sacrificing truth to save our own face. Now I know you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but telling the truth doesn't mean you have to tell your friends and family that they can't hit the high E, or that they suck. Tell them what they really do well instead of lying to them to make them feel good and to make yourself look saintly. Maybe it will give them the nudge they need to work at their dreams instead of demanding them on a silver platter.

Just keep in mind that while you may be saving a little face right now, one day these people may be on American Idol losing a whole lot more than that in front of the nation. Anybody remember Sanjaya?

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